Model Tests with Daniela - The "C" Word
I want to talk about the "C" word. Feels like these days one too many has claimed to be a professional coach, promising to help us all with exactly that - Confidence.
We all sometimes (often?) get lost in the midst of our own interests, passions, hopes, and other people's expectations. It's the other people's expectations that add that firey flame into an already sour cocktail, making it truly undrinkable. In those times we all need that friend, who doesn't have a billion other commitments and is ready to share a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes a friend is not there, sometimes the shoulder is missing. Here, come in your social media channels sending motivational quotes, and mantras, repeating over and over something that a psychologist would repeat just once, and for a slightly different bill:
- if you do what you want to do, and what you enjoy doing,
- if you stand up for yourself protecting yourself from disrespectful folks and rude behavior,
- if you learn to appreciate your own desires and say "no" to things that you don’t want,
... tadam - then you are going to be pretty damn happy.
The trick here of course is that all this is intuitive, yet hard to accomplish for two simple reasons - it's often scary, and we forget. We can't break away from the expectations we hold for ourselves or believe others hold for us. We wake up every day "starting over" - feeling better after we felt worse, or worse after better.
Having control over these three magic properties and never questioning them basically makes you a badass, as only by being badass you can afford to not give a fuck, and that’s a pretty privileged position to be in. People respect those guys, people admire them because, in the end, people are jealous of them. They are jealous of confidence because it screams stability, it screams "you can trust me, you are safe with me". In the end, we are all here looking for a home, for a place to feel safe in, while, as Márquez would agree, are all eternally lonely in our own little worlds.
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I’ve been pretty fascinated by where confidence comes from, and where it goes. Can we make it linger? Can we provoke it on-demand?
My favorite part of any photoshoot, and probably the most fun one is greeting a client who never ever fails to come in and tell me that they absolutely "hate being photographed" and they never turn out well on pictures, setting the expectations as low as they can. One glass of wine later, two conversations later, one pep talk later, a few laughs later ...they suddenly start laughing posing, being a natural at it, transforming into a little superstar right there and then - in front of the camera.
Gifting people that feeling is my absolute favorite part of the process. It’s also the part that fascinates me most, showing how easy it is to spark the light, and how fast it all happens. Of course, you need certain tools, tricks and to discover an approach that works for you, but also resonates with others. However, once you’re there, you’re there, and you’re almost like a magician playing with the emotions of people that gave you their trust. All you have to do is use it wisely.
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